All's Well That Ends Well

2007 has been like a sinusoidal wave for me. It has its positive peaks and negative peaks. However, I don't regret any single thing that happened to me because I know for a fact that even if I failed in some situations, I have learned my lessons and I'm willing to change for the better, if not the best. Going back, my 2007 didn't started out fine. I was drunk when I welcomed the year and it seemed like a bad sign. Bad fengshui, bad luck, and bad start. But then, I managed to regain my self back. I celebrated my 18th birthday on March. I am happy at some point, and at the other end, somehow I'm sad because I remembered my friend's debut wherein I was one of the emcees. I love those memories and I miss them so damn much. I don't know what happened to me after that, because as the saying goes, when it rains, it pours. Problems came rushing in, piling one over another. I may not overcome all those things if it haven't been because of my friends and family who supported me when almost every cell of my body tells me to give up. They may don't know much of what I feel but their presence and care gave me strength and courage to stand up and pick every shattered piece of me. Special mention to kadyot: my ever-dearest sis ninya, you gave moral and spiritual help. You don't fail to remind me to keep holding on to His hand, because when everyone gives up on you, He will be the one who'll carry you until you can manage to walk again. To jah, thanks for being always there. I know I can run to you whenever I need you and I'm happy for that. Arianne, your hugs means a lot to me. It gives me encouragement when my tears keep on falling. Deb, your silence expresses much of your sympathy. The mere sight of your deep eyes is all I need to see and I understand everything just because you listens. Chie, thanks for the strength that you gave me. You taught me to be strong and gives me a full sight of the situation; I know that if I'll ask you, you'll give the unbiased answer. Not the solution that I may want to hear, but the solution that I can choose from, good and bad, and when to hope and stop hoping. You're an eye opener to the things that I need to see, and I really thank you for that. Guys, thank you, thank you, thank you. Need I say more? You know how to distinguish a fake and real smile, a forced laughter and a feel-good one. You taught me what real friendship means.

The past year was not all about those bad old days. Much of my memorable gimmicks happened during those times. Class outing in a resort situated in the middle of nowhere, in the middle of the forest, in the middle of farms, in the middle of...Bulacan. Movie unwindings, so much to mention. Honestly, I can't remember all the movies that I've watched with my friends. Bagaberde and Formula Bars, and many other bars that we've been before we reached that Formula, you know it suits us well. Overnights in ninya's house, which seems like my most visited friend's house. You nkow the type when I don't have anything to wear for the next morning but still we manages to go to Taytay just to fetch ninya home. And I love it when I'm there, coz it feels like home. I still get a good smirk on my face when I remember what Glenn, Charles, Jericho, and the rest says when I bring a backpack at school. "May lakwatsa at overnight na naman kayo ah! Di talaga kayo nauubusan ng lakad!" I think this should be our answer to that.. "Kailangan pa bang imemorize yan? Bisyo na 'to!!!"

Simple meriendas and lunches at McDo, Jabee, Chubby Kitchen, KFC, Frio Mixx, 1&2, McDo, Jabee, Chubby Kitchen, McDo, Jabee, McDo, McDo, McDo, .... SO much good memories.. Like what sis said, "lam niyo ba kung ano yung best gift na natanggap ko this christmas? Answer: good memories kasama kayo.. yikeeeeeeee..." Really touching, you almost made me cry...

As they say, you should start the year right. And I intend to follow, so I'll do what my teacher in elementary instructed us back then: to make an essay about your new year's resolution. However, this will be a little modified coz I hate formal writing.I'll just enumerate and elaborate.

Jenny's New Year Resolution for 2008

I'll give my best effort...

1. ... in keeping my room clean and tidy. My mom usually says "may pagka-burara ka kasi e".

2. ... in assisting my brothers for schoolworks. this is one heavy responsibility if you're the ledest and you have two crazy siblings.

3. ... in being physically fit and healthy. I'm beginning to have belly rings. And I still want to wear my swimsuits for summer break decently!!

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4. ... in doing debt assessments. Okay, this may sound complicated but what I really mean is to always do my "listahan ng pautang" for our store every friday night. We have a little business and most of the AVT drivers and helpers eat and take credits in our store, stuffs like softdrinks, junkfoods, canned goods, etc... And friday is always my dreadest day of the week because I should manage to do those lengthy task. 2hrs minimum (no TV break, no tambay break, no chichirya break, candy break, ice cream, chocolate.... breaks), 5 hrs maximum (watch telenovelas, up to Bubble Gang, text break, water break, CR break, tinda break, heartbreak, oooops, sorry, never mind the last one! Ü)

5. ... in completing my lecture notes. I hate photocopying notes of my classmates. It makes studying hundred times a burden, laziness kills.

6. ... in focusing and meeting all the requirements and passing all subjects. No more: I think I shall never see, a grade as lovely as a three... Or even: I did my best, but I guess my best wasn't good enough... (just seek the help and intervention of St. Jude, the patron of the impossible... haha!)

7. ... in being a good friend. You know, you're not human if you don't have any friends. But you're not human either if at any point you don't get to be irritated by other bitches. I'll try to be nice as much as I can. Patience is really my virtue, and you'll be tired of testing me, but if you get to the maximum output patience that I can give, haaaaay, you'll really really wish that you'd never knew me at all. Swear.

8. ... in being a responsible and loving daughter. Sometimes, I could be a big pain in the ass and a pounding headache even though at times, I really don't mean to be one. Ma, Tatay, I'm sorry... I always try to make it up to you.

I have a good fengshui this year and 8 is my lucky number because it symbolizes continuity and non-breakage. I'll prove it to be true. *wink!*

best friends, forever?

flowers

It may not be the same,

But some things never change.

I feel it and I trust it,

I still believe in forever

Because that's what my heart knows.

Memories are the dew drops on our petals

That re-open the buds that have closed.

Flowers wilt as seasons change,

Though they grow a little more with rain.

The sun will shine when in need,

And left behind, a precious seed.

i know you'll never get to have the chance to read this post. i don't know what came to me and why i've decided to write a blog about us, but i think, i just miss the two of you, a lot. funny how it seems but even though we all live in one small street, we rarely see each other. i miss the old times when i can count on you both if ever i have problems or just anything to share. all the late night chatting while hanging out in either of our houses seem to all fade away in memories. what had happened to us? what had happened to our friendship? what's wrong after all the silence?

some things may have affected us, things that we are really not involved at all. all those petty neighborhood quarrels, and one dysfunctional guy, do these things matter at all? i really don't think so. i would not sacrifice our childhood friendship just because of problems that really doesn't concern the three of us.

jhing, we've been bestfriends since the time when i've known what bestfriend means. we had grown up together, known almost every member of our family, bonded thru countless occassions, spent numerous nights talking bout everything under the sun, and a lot more. i believe in what we've promised long ago that we'll be bestfriends forever no matter what happens. i really didn't expect that one situation would break our vow. no, they're not broken... i wouldn't, and couldn't let it be. i can't. seeing you just pass by our house without a single glance tears me up inside. i wanted to scream your name so you would turn and hug me tightly, just like what we used to do. you know, everytime your sister buys in our store, i deeply wanted to ask her how you're doing. i wanted to know if you're ok, if you're adjusting well at work, if you're really happy, all these and more. i wanted to tell you that it hurts me a lot when both of you decided not to come to my 18th birthday, because you're one of the few special persons that i really want to be with, and who has taken a big part in my life. i remember you're debut, when rachel and i acted as emcees. we're happy back then, enjoyed the company of each other, and told wishes and messages of a long bound friendship. eventhough we don't talk about what really happened to us, i know that the root of our silence is instilled in what happened among elldrich and both of our moms. don't let that situation affect us, please help me fight for our friendship. i can't do this all alone. i wanted to keep my promise, that i'll always be here for you thru ups and downs. i'll be here, still...

rachel, i know your feelings when we incidentally ride on the same jeep. you're uneasy, don't know how to act and say. i feel the same way. but i'm really glad when once, you've waited for me, walked home together and chatted bout things having safe topics. safe in a sense that we'll still feel free to say anything without thinking first of what the other one would feel. it pains me especially when i remember the times when we would just blurt out everything we want to say, not minding other's opinion, and just mentioning what our heart feels. even if i've known him first since we're classmates back in elementary, you know i will not be a hindrance to whatever feelings that you have for him. he's just a friend to me, and you are my bestfriend. if ever you ask me to choose between the two of you, there would be no doubt that it's you i'll pick. you don't even deserve to be just a choice, because you are a person i've learned to treasure in my heart. true friends are like treasures, they are difficult to search for, but once you've had them, they're worth all the hardships and pain. khel, you're a treasure to me...

this song is for both of you... best friends forever? i still believe in it. we'll make it thru this test, i know we can..

you first believed

How many times did I pray you'd find me

How many wishes on a star

Gazing off into the dark

Dreaming I'd see your face

Safe at home unafraid

Captured in your embrace

So many times

When my heart was broken

Visions of you would keep me strong

You were with me all along

Guiding my every step

You are all that I am

And I'll never forget

It was you who first believed

In all that I was made to be

It was you looking in my eyes

You held my hand

And showed me life

And I've never been the same

Since you first believed

There were times when I'd thought I'd lost you

Fearing forever was a dream

But it wasn't what it seemed

Placing your hand in mine

You could see in the dark

You were guiding my heart

It was you who first believed

In all that I was made to be

It was you looking in my eyes

You held my hand

And you showed me life

And I've never been the same

Since you first believed

How many times did I pray you'd find me

How many wishes on a star

i still hope that you two get to read this. i wish. i really do.

ka-ANING-an para sa isang PARE

Kainis. Grabe, ang panget na panimula nun. Ayoko ng palitan, eh sa naiinis ako e, la ng magagawa dun. Kanina lang sobrang ok mood ko, dahil bdae ng dad ko at bdae ng pare ko. Tapos biglang nagbago nung nakita ko yun. Bakit ba kasi kelangan mo pang ilagay yun? Haaay, I can't continue this statement, blog mo yun e, isip mo yun kaya wala akong magagawa kung ano mga gusto mong ilagay. Di ko lang nagustuhan na sumikat dun yung mga taong close saken, kasi ang alam ko, nababasa rin nila yung blog mo. Ewan ko kung papano. Ah basta. Di ko sinasabing tanggalin mo, sana lang next time, matutunan mo yung discretion.. Sumikat ako masyado e..

Haay, enough of a little disappointment..

Gusto ko naman maging bida yung pare ko. Hehe di pa kasi siya formally introduced dito eh. First, pano naging pare. Ahmm, actually di ko din alam kung pano kami nagkaron ng ganung tawagan, basta one time magkatext kami, tas tinawag niya akong bangenge, tinawag ko nman siyang aning usual tawagan na namin yun since nung naging close kami.Tapos bigla na lang naging pare. Ewan ko ba. Haha!

Yung pare kong yun, dark angel. haha! Di ako nagbansag niyan, yun kasi ginagamit niyang code. Kakaiba siya, siya lang yung dark angel na Über sa pagiging thoughtful at supportive saken. Naaalala ko dati nung nagkwentuhan kami sa may tinoco ng 8pm, puro mga kakaibang bagay bout ourselves yung napagusapan namin. Naalala ko din nung nagusap kami bout sa prob ko sa drawing, talagang umiyak na ako sa kanya dahil sa sama ng loob sa mga tao na nagpalungkot saken just because of their grade-envy. Pucha, kasalanan ko ba kung ganun ako tratuhin nung abnormal na prof na yun? Ay basta, enough of the past. Happy ako kasi pag may prob ako, dinadamayan niya ako. Kahit sa text lang, nakakatulong talaga siya para mapagaan yung pakiramdam ko. In return, lagi ako nanjan para sa kanya lalo na kapag may problems siya, especially sa mga problems niya sa bez niya. Pati problems sa grades, dinadamayan ko siya pag down. Remember trinoma at yung beinte? haha Ü

Gusto ko nga lagi siyang happy, kasi kapag malungkot siya, sobrang nalulungkot din ako. Kaya nga kagabi, nagset ako ng alarm para mabati siya ng eksaktong 12 para sa bdae niya, maaga xe akong natulog dahil masakit ulo ko. Pare, dapat happy ka palagi ah? Wag ng problemahin lovelife, hahanapan kita para maiba naman! hehe sana lang mabasa mo to, ayoko kasing sabihan kita para magbasa ng blog ko kasi nahihiya din ako sa mga nilalagay ko dito. Actually, konti lang talaga nakakaalam nitong blog ko, yung mga taong kaya kong sabihan ng nararamdaman ko, at yung mga taong may pakelam sa mga emosyon ko at sa mga nangyayari saken. Ok naman saken na konti lng nakakaalam kasi kashit papano, i want this sharing to be a bit private. Bit lang ha, kasi net to, kamusta nman yun di ba? hehe Ü

Pare, yung promise mo saken ah, pag napako yun, lagot ka talaga. Ang tagal ng hindi natutuloy yun eh. Dapat itreat mo kami, kasi laging walang pasok kapag bdae mo, di pa nga yata kita naggreet sa personal kapag bdae mo since nagkakilala tayo e. Kahiya nga kasi nung bdae ko, natouch ako dahil nakapunta kayo sa dinner thanksgiving na hinanda ng family ko e. Pare, i want you to know na kahit ano mangyari, lagi mo kong malalapitan. Di kita iiwan lalo na sa times na down ka, i'll pull you up para sabay tayong makakangiti ulit.

masaya na ako ulit, nawala na yung munting inis ko. haha! Ü

pare, pag nabasa mo to, magpost ka sa cbox para lam kong nabasa mo na. la lang.

HAPPY 42nd BIRTHDAY DAD!

HAPPY 19th BIRTHDAY OLIVER!

Big Girls Don't Cry

Ikaw Lamang – Silent Sanctuary

Di ko maintindihan
Ang nilalaman ng puso
Tuwing magkahawak ang ating kamay
Pinapanalangin lagi tayong magkasama
Hinihiling bawat oras kapiling ka

Sa lahat ng aking ginagawa
Ikaw lamang ang nasa isip ko sinta
Sana’y di na tayo magkahiwalay
Kahit kailan pa man

Ikaw lamang ang aking minamahal
Ikaw lamang ang tangi kong inaasam
Makapiling ka habang buhay
Ikaw lamang sinta
Wala na kong hihingin pa
Wala na

Ayoko ng maulit pa
Ang nakaraang ayokong maalala
Bawat oras na wala ka
Parang mabigat na parusa

Huwag mong kakalimutan na kahit nag-iba
Hindi ako tumigil magmahal sayo sinta

Sa lahat ng aking ginagawa
Ikaw lamang ang nasa isip ko sinta

Sana’y di na tayo magkahiwalay
Kahit kailan pa man

Ikaw lamang ang aking minamahal
Ikaw lamang ang tangi kong inaasam
Makapiling ka habang buhay
Ikaw lamang sinta
Wala na kong hihingin pa
Wala na

haayy.. i love this song.. sobrang sweet.. parang pag kinantahan ka nito, mawawala lahat ng pain na nararamdaman mo.. lahat ng sama ng loob, lahat ng hinanakit, maglalahong parang bula.. ewan ko ba.. ibang klase eh.. hehe Ü

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pwede ba.. kung hindi mo kayang tuparin yung mga sinasabi mo, kung patuloy mo lang akong iddisappoint, at kung hindi ka rin naman mananatili, pwede ba, kung pwede lang naman, wag ka na lang mag-exist sa buhay ko? kung darating ka lang para umalis din, pwede bang wag ka ng bumalik pang muli? sabi mo hindi mo kayang mawala ako.. kung patuloy lang na ganito, pwede bang pag-aralan mong alisin na ako sa buhay mo? kung pwede lang nman..

hindi ako galit, hindi ako nagtatampo o kung anuman.. hindi ko na nga alam kung ano bang tawag sa nararamdaman ko e. siguro nasanay na ako kaya ganito. pero ayoko ng masanay. sa totoo lang, alam ko namang masaya ka sa buhay mo eh, at masaya din ako sa mga nangyayari sa buhay ko ngayon. natutunan ko na kasing wag iasa ang kaligayahan ko sa iisang tao eh. ngayon alam ko na na dapat mong matutunan na maging masaya sa buhay mo kahit sa tingin mo nagiisa ka lang. kailangan mo munang maging buo dahil sa iyong kabuuan mas lalo kang napahahalagahan ng ibang tao. at kapag dumating na ang taong para sa'yo, masasabi mo na mas naging masaya ang buhay mo at nagkaron ng kahulugan ang kaligayahan mo ng dahil sa kanya. sa totoo lang, mas natutunan kong pahalagahan ang sarili ko ngayon. nalaman ko na hindi ka masasaktan ng ibang tao, masasaktan ka lang nila pag hinayaan mong gawin nila yun sayo o magpaapekto ka ng sobra.

basta masaya ako ngayon.. alam kong darating din yung araw na magiging mas makabuluhan ang kasiyahan ko.

"you are my sweetest downfall... i loved you first, i loved you first"

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"And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket

But I've got to get a move on with my life

It's time to be a big girl now..

And big girls don't cry.."