what happened to us?

kanina ko lang na-realize na hindi na pala tayo friends sa friendster. in-add kita ulit at nakita ko na viniew mo yung account ko pero di mo pa rin inaccept yung friend request. ayaw mo na ba? sabihin mo lang, di na kita guguluhin. gusto ko lang naman kahit papano, masalba ang pagkakaibigan natin. pero kung naiinis ka na sa pangungulit ko, i'm sorry. hindi ko kasi kayang magsawalang-bahala sa mga nangyayari sa atin. gusto ko gumawa ng move para magkaayos tayo, kung hindi man kagaya ng sobrang closeness natin dati, ok lang basta malaman ko na maayos na tayong tatlo. ngayon lang ako nalungkot ng ganito ngayong sembreak. ang sakit pala. nakakadurog ng puso..

kanina, inayos ko yung photoalbum ko nung highschool. andami kasing mga pic na nakakalat sa isang drawer kaya naisipan kong iorganize. nakita ko yung mga pic naten. nakangite. nakaakbay sa isa't isa. magkahawak-kamay. ang hirap pala ayusin ng mga larawang iyon dahil bumalik sa alaala ko ang mga masasayang sandaling pinagsaluhan natin. naisip ko tuloy, marami pa akong mga bagay na kailangang ayusin. yung cabinet ko, yung mga libro, yung mga notes, yung mga testpaper, yung nagdaan. ang gulo, napakagulo. parang buhay ko, marami pang mga kabanata na naiwang nakabukas, marami pang katanungang hindi nasasagot. mga pangyayaring nababalutan ng isang makapal na ulap na tila ba ayaw magpasilip sa mga bituin upang bigyang-liwanag ang kadiliman ng gabi.

marami pang kalat. di ko pa rin matapus-tapos ayusin ang lahat.

nakita ko itong bookmark nung nag-aayos ako. para makagaan sa pakiramdam ko, gusto ko lang isama dito.

footprints in the sand

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the LORD. Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand: one belonging to him, and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him,he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of his life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in his life. This really bothered him and he questioned the LORD about it:

"LORD, you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me."

The LORD replied:

"My son, my precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."

best friends, forever?

flowers

It may not be the same,

But some things never change.

I feel it and I trust it,

I still believe in forever

Because that's what my heart knows.

Memories are the dew drops on our petals

That re-open the buds that have closed.

Flowers wilt as seasons change,

Though they grow a little more with rain.

The sun will shine when in need,

And left behind, a precious seed.

i know you'll never get to have the chance to read this post. i don't know what came to me and why i've decided to write a blog about us, but i think, i just miss the two of you, a lot. funny how it seems but even though we all live in one small street, we rarely see each other. i miss the old times when i can count on you both if ever i have problems or just anything to share. all the late night chatting while hanging out in either of our houses seem to all fade away in memories. what had happened to us? what had happened to our friendship? what's wrong after all the silence?

some things may have affected us, things that we are really not involved at all. all those petty neighborhood quarrels, and one dysfunctional guy, do these things matter at all? i really don't think so. i would not sacrifice our childhood friendship just because of problems that really doesn't concern the three of us.

jhing, we've been bestfriends since the time when i've known what bestfriend means. we had grown up together, known almost every member of our family, bonded thru countless occassions, spent numerous nights talking bout everything under the sun, and a lot more. i believe in what we've promised long ago that we'll be bestfriends forever no matter what happens. i really didn't expect that one situation would break our vow. no, they're not broken... i wouldn't, and couldn't let it be. i can't. seeing you just pass by our house without a single glance tears me up inside. i wanted to scream your name so you would turn and hug me tightly, just like what we used to do. you know, everytime your sister buys in our store, i deeply wanted to ask her how you're doing. i wanted to know if you're ok, if you're adjusting well at work, if you're really happy, all these and more. i wanted to tell you that it hurts me a lot when both of you decided not to come to my 18th birthday, because you're one of the few special persons that i really want to be with, and who has taken a big part in my life. i remember you're debut, when rachel and i acted as emcees. we're happy back then, enjoyed the company of each other, and told wishes and messages of a long bound friendship. eventhough we don't talk about what really happened to us, i know that the root of our silence is instilled in what happened among elldrich and both of our moms. don't let that situation affect us, please help me fight for our friendship. i can't do this all alone. i wanted to keep my promise, that i'll always be here for you thru ups and downs. i'll be here, still...

rachel, i know your feelings when we incidentally ride on the same jeep. you're uneasy, don't know how to act and say. i feel the same way. but i'm really glad when once, you've waited for me, walked home together and chatted bout things having safe topics. safe in a sense that we'll still feel free to say anything without thinking first of what the other one would feel. it pains me especially when i remember the times when we would just blurt out everything we want to say, not minding other's opinion, and just mentioning what our heart feels. even if i've known him first since we're classmates back in elementary, you know i will not be a hindrance to whatever feelings that you have for him. he's just a friend to me, and you are my bestfriend. if ever you ask me to choose between the two of you, there would be no doubt that it's you i'll pick. you don't even deserve to be just a choice, because you are a person i've learned to treasure in my heart. true friends are like treasures, they are difficult to search for, but once you've had them, they're worth all the hardships and pain. khel, you're a treasure to me...

this song is for both of you... best friends forever? i still believe in it. we'll make it thru this test, i know we can..

you first believed

How many times did I pray you'd find me

How many wishes on a star

Gazing off into the dark

Dreaming I'd see your face

Safe at home unafraid

Captured in your embrace

So many times

When my heart was broken

Visions of you would keep me strong

You were with me all along

Guiding my every step

You are all that I am

And I'll never forget

It was you who first believed

In all that I was made to be

It was you looking in my eyes

You held my hand

And showed me life

And I've never been the same

Since you first believed

There were times when I'd thought I'd lost you

Fearing forever was a dream

But it wasn't what it seemed

Placing your hand in mine

You could see in the dark

You were guiding my heart

It was you who first believed

In all that I was made to be

It was you looking in my eyes

You held my hand

And you showed me life

And I've never been the same

Since you first believed

How many times did I pray you'd find me

How many wishes on a star

i still hope that you two get to read this. i wish. i really do.